Can I Get My Ex Back? - Secrets Of Making It Happen

Immediately following a breakup is a critical time for your emotional health, and your chances of getting your relationship back. Although you feel like all of the control has been taken out of your hands, it's easy to feel like giving up is your only option, but it's not. You do have a chance to reverse your breakup and get your relationship back and on the right track. Right now, however, you need to make the right moves and timing counts for everything.

Step 1: Shorten Your Breakup's Length by Accepting the Facts:

As strange as it may sound, the first thing you need to do after a breakup is to wrap your mind around the fact that it happened. This is easier said than done. It's a natural instinct to put up resistance to the reality that something you love is falling apart around your feet. Ultimately, you need to let this collapse occur. You can always rebuild later - but trying to hold up the walls by yourself is simply not going to work.

Your ex may be expecting some significant fallout on your part when they deliver the news. Although they may be prepared for the worst, they're also going to judge you if you fulfill their expectations. Every moment you waste resisting reality is going to count against you, and it's going to make sure that your breakup lasts a lot longer than it has to if you would simply accept the breakup and move on.

Step 2: Resist the Urge to Smother:

If your ex ever told you that they felt smothered while the two of you were dating, you have even more reason than normal to avoid doing it once you've broken up. It can be a hard urge to resist. You want to reach out more than ever to assure yourself that your ex is hurting just as much as you are, and you want to make sure that you're remembered. Memory is a tricky thing. The more you try to make something memorable in the mind of your ex, the less likely it's going to be. The best way to ensure that your ex is going to think about you and remember you at your best is to leave them alone with their thoughts - and to make them wonder.

Obviously the easiest way to create curiosity in your ex's mind is to avoid them for a brief period of time. That doesn't mean that you don't text them for two hours and then resume your texting regimen. It means that you have to take a few giant leaps back and leave them to their thoughts. Their doubt is going to grow without any action necessary on your part - and that doubt is going to circle back around to the breakup - and to you. When answers to lingering questions they have about you and the sincerity of your feelings are not as obvious as they'd like, they're going to have to find other means to discover the truth - and that means more direct contact leading right back up your alley.

Step 3: Step Back In Time:

While all of your thoughts may revolve around your ex or the breakup or both, you may be focusing on the wrong period of time. Take your memory back a little bit further, and remember what it was like when you first started dating. Has your ex changed drastically? Have you? Even minute changes can have an impact on your relationships. Some changes are beautiful and positive while some are less-than ideal. By exhibiting a willingness to work on those areas for yourself you are opening up a world of possibilities and making a difference that will definitely impact the way your ex sees you.

Ideally, you want to make some improvements overall for your own benefit. The fact that your ex will notice should be a fringe benefit - not an ultimate goal. It's never healthy to change solely for someone else. Taking responsibility for yourself, however, and making the effort to take yourself to the next level can have huge rewards - and it will definitely get your ex's attention. By remembering how things used to be you can also remind your ex of why they first fell in love with you and that memory can bring all the emotions rushing back.

Step 4: Don't Make the Mistake of Chasing them Away:

With all the focus on you, you may not have noticed a slight change in your ex's behavior. Things are certainly changing, however, and pretty soon it will be blatantly obvious. What's happened is a vital change to their own perception and although their perception may not define any reality other than their own, it does factor in to your overall chances of getting them back.

By eliminating contact altogether you have also avoided responding to their initial attempts to reconnect. Not only will this intentional avoidance enhance their already colliding emotions, it will put the breakup in stark perspective for them. What if they've lost you for good? What if you've moved on already? What if this was all a horrible mistake?

The reality now is that you don't have to question anymore. You've avoided the key mistakes that trip up a lot of people in similar positions. By keeping your eye on the prize, you've allowed your ex to have a change of heart - and you didn't have to resort to negativity or dramatic tactics to bring it to life.

What To Do Next

You have a lot of work ahead of you to win back your ex. It will take patience and willpower, but things can be sped up with certain psychological techniques. For example, you will need to be able to use the no contact rule to make your ex interested in you again and be the one that starts to chase you.

Also, being on the look out for signs ex still likes you will help you to know if what you're doing is working. It also protects you from humiliating yourself in front of your ex if they are just not interested.

Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/reconnecting/can-i-get-my-ex-back-secrets-of-making-it-happen

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